This had better be my last pregnancy update for this baby . . .

Next I hope to post actual pictures of this baby and not another frustrating appointment recap. Last week I was a 4, and this week, I'm a  . . . "stretchy" 4. Wow, that's exciting. Then comes the decision, do I just leave things alone or do I have the doctor strip my membranes? The way he put it was "75% of women who have their membranes strip have the baby within 75 hours. The other 1/4 don't." So, if your body is ready, it encourages it, but if it's not ready, it really doesn't make a difference. Still, I don't like interfering.

My first two babies came two weeks early and it was perfect. I'm almost 39 weeks (tomorrow) and every day makes me more restless and anxious. What if this baby is even bigger than the last one (8lbs 13oz)? What if I can't do it naturally again? Should I have stripped my membranes, or just waited? What if I can't do three children at all? Shane thinks the baby hasn't come yet because I am mentally keeping it in, because I am afraid of having another baby. It's partially true . . . who really wants to volunteer for labor and delivery pain, and let's face it, it's not easy having a little tiny baby to care for. I'm not saying it isn't worth it, because it totally is, but it's a lot of time, patience, and sacrifice. I feel pretty accomplished when I can get three square meals on the table, a load of laundry done, and a path through the toys cleared in one day. But that doesn't get you "ahead" anywhere. I'm barely holding back the tide and I'm afraid once the baby comes, I'm going to get pummeled.

Shane has hopes that since this pregnancy is so different, that perhaps it's a boy because "boys have to grow more." I think he is grasping at straws and is afraid to be even more outnumbered.

I am excited for the girls to have another sister to love and play with. Rain is making such progress in being the Big Sister and watching out for Mesa. She has made some super big steps in the past couple months: Giving up her binky and Potty training. She hasn't had an accident during the day for awhile now and she can go some nights and stay dry. She insists on wearing her panties to bed under her "special diaper" (Pull-up) so she can still be a big girl. Sometimes I worry that she holds it too long. She can go once in the morning when she wakes up, and then not go again for hours---like past breakfast, past lunch, through a 2-hour nap, and start playing again after her nap, before I MAKE her sit down and just "see" if her body has to go. She's like a camel. Maybe it seems like such a stark difference to me because I am constantly going and it is a miracle her body can last that long. Sometimes it's hard to let her be independent and do it all by herself. I cringe and hold my breath when she has to empty her potty chair by herself and I hope she gets it all in the toilet. But she does admirably and promptly asks if she can have a "pootsie roll" (tootsie roll) for going potty.

Mesa also wants to be a big girl like Rain and has to sit on the potty too. She will tell me "poo-poo" and "potty" and won't give it up until she sits on the toilet for 1.5 seconds (fully dressed or stark naked) and then she is done. She wants down and runs off to play. Oh, how I love my two little girls. One more is just going to add to the adventure.

Mesa loves to give Rain a hug before she goes "nigh-night"

Lest anyone think that Shane doesn't love his girls, here is a video to attest otherwise. It's long and the sound and motion aren't quite matching up (I can't tell if it's because my computer is super slow or if it has something to do with the fact that Shane rolled a horse down the mountain with MY camera in the saddle bags. Either way, my video clips are "special") but I ask you, how many dads are man enough to dance to Barbie with his girls?

Mesa is a bit of a Daddy's girl, definitely more so than Rain. Mesa insists on a kiss when daddy leaves for work, when I scold her she calls for Daddy, and sometimes only Daddy can get her more milk or blow on her food. On the other hand, Rain is the same way for me. If she wakes up crying and I've already had a hard night and I send Shane in to help her, she starts screaming, "No, I need mommy to do it."

The girls love to be cowboys like Daddy

I warned the receptionists at the clinic that I might not be a happy camper if I have to come in next Monday for my scheduled checkup. We were all counting on cancelling the appointment I had yesterday. They said not to worry and that they would have some chocolate on hand to console me. I guess I can look forward to that, right?

Disappointing

I had such high hopes for my appointment yesterday. I guess that should be a lesson to me: Never count on things going as you plan them.

Yesterday morning I was dilated to 4 cm. More progress from last week, yes, but disappointing at the same time. Last baby, I was a 7 at this point, so I went ahead and had the doctor break my water for Mesa. But here I sit, water intact, dilated to a 4, Braxton-Hicks contractions coming almost constantly, and still nothing solid to go on.

So, I didn't have him strip my membranes. I thought my body obviously needed some more time, so I'll sit it out some more. I have another appointment next Monday. If I make it that long, I will have surpassed my other two pregnancies in length. Not a pleasant thought. The doctor doesn't think I'll make it that long, but I am trying not to get my hopes up and be disappointed again.

I also got an ultrasound yesterday because when the doctor checked me, he was afraid he couldn't feel the head in the right position as it had been at all my previous checkups. He thought it was the neck, but the ultrasound revealed a VERY healthy, getting VERY chubby, baby, head down, but with no intention of leaving her watery home soon.



Not the best shot, but already stubborn!



Quick update

So I didn't post my last appointment's progression, so this is just a quick note about it. On Monday, I went ahead and had the doctor check me again, just so I had something to hang onto as far as "progress." I had dilated to 3cm and I suspect I am even more now. I'm 37 weeks and 2 days and would love to be done any day now. I guess I've started counting on coming 2 weeks early every time. Bless all you other ladies that last to 40 weeks and beyond. I'm ready to be done. My babies are big enough as it is at two weeks early. I don't need them hanging out and packing on the pounds.

I have an appointment on Monday again and I am anxious to see where I am at that point. I guess once I know for sure if my body is close to being ready, I can make a better decision as to having the doctor strip my membranes or not. I really feel that my body knows best when to have the baby and I don't want to interfere and make delivery any harder than it needs to be.

I picked up a nice head cold over the last couple days. Exciting! Hope I can beat that before D-day comes because that just complicates everything. I started taking the herbal supplement T-5W. I am curious to see if it holds up to everyone's high recommendations. Also, I washed our bedding and put on BRAND NEW sheets. Maybe that will encourage my water to break. Haha. And maybe I should go pack that hospital bag . . .